///////  QUOTABLE QUOTES Pg 2 \\\\\\\\

                

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Thoughts~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BLESSED ARE THE FLEXIBLE FOR THEY WILL BEND.    -- AMY PRICE    

"Kindness is a language the deaf can hear and the blind can see." Mark Twain

HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED HOW OUR COUNTRY IS IN THE MIDDLE OF JER(USA)LEM.  

HAVE YOU EVER MET PEOPLE WHO ARE EDUCATED BEYOND THEIR OWN INTELLIGENCE.  -- FLECHER BROTHERS

A teacher asked the students, why do people say I am a Christian?   One boy spoke up and said, it is because they don't know you.

He who shouts the loudest has the weakest argument.

You cannot sow wild oats and expect to reap alfalfa 

That person is about as close to the truth as Hollywood is to heaven.  -  Flecher Brothers

SOME PEOPLE SPEND ALL THEIR LIFE CLIMBING THE LADDER OF SUCCESS ONLY TO FIND THE LADDER IS LEANING ON THE WRONG BUILDING.

MY INTEREST IS IN THE FUTURE BECAUSE I AM GOING TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE THERE.  FORMER PRESIDENT OF G.M. -- CHARLES KETTRETING

IF YOU LAUGH A LOT, WHEN YOU ARE OLDER YOUR WRINKLES WILL BE IN THE RIGHT PLACES.

A BUREAUCRAT IS A PERSON WHO CAN SAY ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AND MEAN IT.

CAN I PULL OVER HERE AND PARK FOR JUST A MINUTE.        -- FLECHER BROTHERS

A CAT SAW HIS TAIL ON FIRE AND SAID OH NO THIS IS THE END OF ME.  --  FLECHER BROTHERS

IF WHAT I SAY RUBS YOUR FUR THE WRONG WAY TURN YOUR CAT AROUND.  -- FLECHER BROTHERS

GOD TOLD ADAM GO AND MULTIPLY THE EARTH.  ADAM CAME BACK AND SAID GOD WHAT DO I DO ABOUT A HEADACHE.   -- JOHN HAGEE

GOD GIVES EVERY BIRD ITS FOOD.  BUT HE DOES NOT THROW IT INTO ITS NEST.

ADAM IN THE GARDEN SAID GOD I WOULD LIKE A COMPANION.  GOD SAID YOU CAN HAVE ONE BUT IT WILL COST YOU AN ARM AND A LEG.  ADAM SAID WHAT COULD I GET FOR JUST A RIB.

A CHAPLIN OBSERVES A MAN POUNDING ON THE GROUND SAYING WHY DID YOU DIE.  WHY DID YOU DIE.  I WAS SO HAPPY BEFORE.  MY LIFE WAS WONDERFUL.  YOU HAVE RUINED MY LIFE.  THE CHAPLIN SAID WAS THAT SOMEONE SPECIAL TO YOU?  IT WAS MY WIFE'S FIRST HUSBAND.    --  JOHN HAGEE  

A POLICEMAN SAW A MAN CRYING IN THE PARK.  THE MAN SAID I AM 80 YEARS OLD, RICH, AND LIVE IN A MANSION.  I AM MARRIED TO A 35 YEAR OLD WOMAN WHO LOVES ME SO MUCH SHE CAN'T KEEP HER HANDS OFF ME.  POLICEMAN - SO WHY ARE YOU CRYING?  I CAN'T REMEMBER WHERE I LIVE.        --   JOHN HAGEE

SOME PEOPLE SAY WE ARE NUTS.  MAYBE WE ARE.  BUT WERE SCREWED TO THE RIGHT BOLT.  JESUS CHRIST.  --    JOHN HAGEE  

IF YOU WAR MORE THAN YOU WORSHIP.  YOU ARE WARPED.  --  ?? THE HAGIN MINISTRY?

MEEK SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH.  THAT'S BECAUSE THE MEEK DO WHAT GOD SAYS.  

I WANT TO HEAR THE PREACHING OF THE WORD NOT THE PREACHING OF YOUR OPINION.  -- JESSE DuPLANTIS

The road to success is NOT straight. There is a curve called Failure, a loop called Confusion, speed bumps called Friends, red lights called Enemies, caution lights called Family. You will have flats called Jobs. But, if you have a spare called Determination and engine called Perseverance, insurance called Faith, a driver called Jesus, you will make it to a place called Success

You don't need to have an opinion where you have no responsibility  Joyce Meyer

TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN, YET THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE, SO ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS. JUST DO IT!!!!

“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” – George Santayana

“History doesn’t repeat itself, but it does rhyme.”  – Attributed to Mark Twain, unverified

Theology is mans attempt to misunderstand the word of God. 

“If we did all the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.”  Thomas Edison

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Wisdom~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

HE WHO LOSES MONEY LOSES MUCH.  HE WHO LOSES A FRIEND LOSES MORE.

TO HANDLE YOURSELF, USE YOUR HEAD.  TO HANDLE OTHERS USE YOUR HEART.

IF SOMEONE BETRAYS YOU ONCE IT IS HIS OR HER FAULT.  IF HE OR SHE BETRAYS YOU TWICE, IT'S YOUR FAULT.

WHETHER YOU THINK YOU CAN OR THINK YOU CAN'T.  YOUR RIGHT.  --  HENRY FORD

HE WHO CEASES TO LEARN CAN'T ADEQUATELY TEACH.

HE THAT KNOWS IT ALL HAS A LOT TO LEARN.    -- CHARLES CAPPS

THE MEEK SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH.  THAT'S BECAUSE THE MEEK DO WHAT GOD SAYS.

I DO NOT WANT TO BE A PERSON WHO MAJORS IN MINOR POINTS.   --  IRIS GODFREY

LEARN FROM THE MISTAKES OF OTHERS.  YOU CAN'T LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO MAKE THEM ALL YOURSELF.

OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS BUT ONCE.  TEMPTATION LEANS ON THE DOORBELL. - JIM FIELDS E.M.1-98

IF YOU LISTEN TO PEOPLE WHO FLATTER YOU ALL THE TIME IT WILL EMBALM YOU.  IF YOU LISTEN TO PEOPLE WHO CRITICIZE YOU IT WILL DESTROY YOU.  DON'T LISTEN TO EITHER.   --  MARIO MURILLO

IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE HOW LONG YOU LIVE IF YOUR NOT DOING ANYTHING.

THERE IS AN OPPOSITE END TO EVERY TRUTH.   -- CHARLES CAPPS

EVERYONE IS IGNORANT JUST ABOUT DIFFERENT THINGS.

LENIENCY IN RAISING CHILDREN BUILDS REBELLION.   --   DOT WORTH

YOU WOULD NOT CARE WHAT OTHERS ARE TALKING ABOUT CONCERNING YOU IF YOU ONLY KNEW HOW OFTEN THEY REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT YOU.  

IF YOU CAN SEE SOME GOOD IN EVERYBODY,  ALMOST EVERYBODY WILL SEE SOME GOOD IN YOU.  (VOLUME 76 EVANGELICAL METHODIST)

DON'T GO WHOLE HOG WHEN YOU ARE ONLY HALFWAY THERE.   --   CHARLES CAPPS

THE THING THAT MAKES MEN AND RIVERS CROOKED IS FOLLOWING THE LINE OF LEAST RESISTANCE

REMEMBER FORBIDDEN FRUIT MAYBE SWEETER BUT IT ROTS SOONER. -- REXELLA VAN IMPE

ARE YOU GOING TO HELL IF YOU SMOKE? NO. BUT YOUR GOING TO SMELL LIKE YOU'VE BEEN THERE.   -- FLETCHER BROTHERS

BAD HABITS ARE LIKE A SOFT BED.  EASY TO GET INTO AND HARD TO GET OUT OF.  -- REXELLA VAN IMPE

EVIL COMPANY CORRUPTS GOOD HABITS. 1 COR 15:33  

Keep your words soft and sweet, you never know when you might have to eat them.  Mildred Drake

GOOD WORKS DO NOT PRODUCE GOOD CHARACTER.  GOOD CHARACTER PRODUCES GOOD WORKS.  

IF YOU DON'T STAND FOR SOMETHING YOU WILL FALL FOR ANYTHING.   --  DAVID ROBINSON  

The voice that carries is the character behind it.  Don Drake 

The problem people have receiving from God is they make their own intellect an idol.  They believe their own mind over God's word or his ways. 

CAN WE DISAGREE WITH OUT BECOMING DISAGREEABLE?    -- MARILYN HICKEY

HE IS ABOUT AS CLOSE TO THE TRUTH AS HOLLYWOOD IS TO HEAVEN.

At the start always consider the finish.

Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil.   It has no point!  

JUDGE NOT! Remember...  Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.  

What is hell like?  Mark 9:43b-44 to go to hell, into the fire that shall never be quenched-- "where 'Their worm does not die, and the fire is not quenched.'  -  Jesus

Prevention is cheaper than the cure.  Don Drake

If your life is plain and dull let God paint it with his paint brush.  Don Drake

YOU MAY NOT BE ABLE TO SHOW TOMORROW  THE KINDNESS YOU PUT OFF SHOWING TODAY - DON DRAKE

COURAGE DOES NOT WAIT FOR WITNESS BEFORE IT DOES ITS THING.  -  DON DRAKE

IT TAKES COURAGE TO SAY NO WHEN EVERYONE AROUND YOU IS SAYING YES. - DON DRAKE

You cannot build a reputation on things you intend to do tomorrow. - Don Drake

Do unto others as if you were the other. - Don Drake

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Happiness is a perfume that if sprinkled on others you cannot help get a few drops on yourself.  Don Drake

Most people spend more time and energy going around problems rather than to face them.  Don Drake

The man who blames others for his mistakes has not started his own education.  Don Drake

They are about as close to the truth as Hollywood is to heaven.  Flecher Brothers

THE WAY YOU ACT SPEAKS SO LOUDLY I CAN'T HEAR WHAT YOU SAY. - BARBARA RICHMOND

HE WHO SPEAKS AN EVIL WORD OF AN ABSENT BROTHER IS NOT WELCOMED IN THIS HOUSE.

IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU HAVE NOW.  YOU WILL NEVER BE HAPPY WITH MORE --   JOHN HAGEE  

DON'T BE LIKE A GRONALA BAR.  FOR IT'S MADE UP OF FRUITS, NUTS AND FLAKES.  KNOW WHAT THE WORD SAYS. --   C. CAPPS

IF IT DOESN'T HAVE NAIL PRINTS IN IT.  DON'T FOOL WITH IT  --   BETTY JEAN ROBINSON                                                                                                                                    

IGNORANCE MAKES YOU A SLAVE TO ANOTHER MANS WISDOM.      --     ??

IF YOU HAVE BEEN INDOCTRINATED. YOU QUITE LEARNING.      --  T.L. OSBORN

GOD CAN ONLY MOVE HERE ON EARTH AS WE CHRISTIANS ASK HIM.  OR HE WOULD BE MOVING INTO SATAN'S TERRITORY ILLEGALLY. GOD WORKS THROUGH MAN.  --  KENNETH HAGIN

You are not a failer until you quit trying.  Ken Hagin                                         

Rom 3:4 let God be true but every man a liar. .................

WHEN GOD MAKES A PROMISE IT'S FOREVER.  MAN CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT.  HE DOESN'T OPERATE THAT WAY.  ---  KENNETH COPLAND

You will not go to hell because you made a bad start but because you made a bad finish.

BURY YOUR PAST OR YOUR PAST WILL BURY YOU.   --  DWIGHT THOMPSON

LIARS ARE LIKE FRYERS THEY WIND UP IN HELL.    --   FLECHER BROTHERS

ANGER IS ONE LETTER SHORT OF DANGER.         --     ??

IF YOU CLAIM THE PROMISES OF GOD, KEEP THE COMMANDMENTS - DON DRAKE

Work as if you were to live a hundred years, pray as if you were to die tomorrow. 

GOD IS LIKE MAN HE LIKES TO BE PRAISED.     --  T.D. .JAKES

THANKSGIVING IS GOOD.  BUT THANKS LIVING IS BETTER.     --  DON GOSSETT  

GOD IS IN THE BUSINESS OF DOING THINGS MAN CAN'T.  -  ?

YOU GET MORE OF JESUS BY GIVING HIM MORE OF YOU.

SIN DOESN'T HAVE TO JUDGE US IF WE WILL JUDGE OURSELVES.  WHEN YOU REPENT YOU BREAK THE POWER OF SIN.   -   MARILYN HICKEY  

WHEN YOU COME TO A THEREFORE (IN THE BIBLE) YOU BETTER FIND OUT WHAT IT IS THERE FOR.    --   KENNETH HAGIN

KNOW GODS WORD.  HE IS ONLY AS GOOD AS HIS WORD.    --   EDWIN COLE

YOU ARE NOT UNDER CHRIST.  YOU ARE JOINT HEIRS WITH CHRIST. (CO-EQUAL)  - KENNETH COPLAND 

Prov 15:24 The way of life winds upward for the wise, that he may turn away from hell below.

OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES LET EVERY WORD BE ESTABLISHED.  

GOD WANTS YOU TO BE ON THE OUTSIDE WHAT YOU ALREADY ARE ON THE INSIDE. --  GLORIA COPLAND  

IF YOU WANT MY SUPPLY.  YOU HAVE TO DO IT MY WAY.    (BY THE HOLY SPIRIT) -- CEFERO DOLLAR                                                           

THE QUICKER YOU ENLARGE YOUR ABILITY THE MORE THE GIFTS WILL FLOW.  HE WON'T GIVE YOU MORE THAN YOUR ABILITY.   --  DAVE ?  

DO YOU STRUGGLE OR SNUGGLE IN YOUR CHRISTIAN WALK? (ABIDE IN HIM-REST OF GOD- HE WHO DWELLS IN THE SECRET PLACE)   -    BARBARA RICHMOND

You will not go to hell because you made a bad start but because you made a bad finish.  Don Drake

If you want heaven you will have to aim at heaven now.  Don Drake

An idol man is a dead man.  Don Drake

God has more grace in his heart than you have sins in the past.  Don Drake

If you know the difference between good advice and  bad advice you don't need advice.

A Christian is a person that makes it easy for people to believe in God.

If you are leading a defeated life it is because you are allowing it to happen.  Ken Hagin

Satan wants to keep you from having a relationship with God because you will  never have everything God wants you to have without a relationship with him.  Ken Hagin

If you are talking about somebody's business make sure it is your own and not someone else's.  If it  is someone else's business it is none of your business. 

You don't need to have an opinion where you have no responsibly.  Joyce Meyer

Gratitude is not only the memory but the homage of the heart rendered to God for his goodness. Nathaniel Willis

The future is as great as the promises of God.  Don Drake

Jesus can live without us but we can't live without him  Don Drake

"Life without God is like an non-sharpened pencil. It has no point."

I don't need everyone to hear me say I'm a Christian, but I need everyone to see Christ in me.

If your day is hemmed in with prayer, it is less likely to come unraveled. - WDFB news letter

It is possible to move men through God by prayer alone.  Hudson Taylor

To desire revival.. and at the same time to neglect (personal) prayer and devotion is to wish one way and walk another. - A. W. Tozer

Not all Muslims are jihadists, but all jihadists are Muslims. former Senator Rick Santorum

Fat men have to be good natured because they can't fight good and they can't run fast. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you can transform your thoughts you can transform your world.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

THIS STORY TOUCHED ME

A MAN FOUND NOTE AND THE NAME WRITTEN IN A BOOK OF THE FORMER OWNER.  THIS WAS DURING WW2.  HE LIKED THE BOOK AND THE NOTE SO HE WROTE TO THE PERSON.  ONE WEEK LATER HE SHIPPED OVERSEAS.  THEY CORRESPONDED ONE YEAR.  HE ASKED FOR A PICTURE.  SHE SAID LOOKS WERE NOT IMPORTANT.  WHEN HE CAME BACK TO THE STATES THEY AGREED TO MEET IN GRAND CENTRAL STATION.  SHE WOULD HAVE A ROSE ON HER LAPEL.  HE STARTS LOOKING FOR HER AND A NICE SLIM BLOND BLUE EYED WOMAN IN A LIGHT GREEN SUIT SAYS "HI SAILOR GOING MY WAY.  RIGHT BEHIND HER WAS A CHUNKY LADY WITH GRAYING HAIR WITH A ROSE IN HER LAPEL.  HE WAS TORN BUT WENT TO THE LADY WITH THE ROSE AND ASKED HER OUT TO DINNER.  SHE SAID THE LADY IN THE LIGHT GREEN SUIT GAVE ME THIS ROSE AND TOLD ME TO TELL YOU TO MEET HER IN THE RESTAURANT ACROSS THE STREET.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

Quotes taken from the WDFB newsletter March/April 2012

The world is not waiting for a definition of the gospel but a demonstration of the power of the gospel.

We have enough doctrine and to spare, while a sick, sad, sin-sodden, sex-soaked world goes to hell. - Don Drake

Some folks never think of God until they come in sight of a graveyard. - Don Drake

We can spend our time aimlessly licking our wounds, or aggressively licking our problems.  Don Drake 

A good word is just as easy to say as a bad one.  So why not say the good one?   - Don Drake

Faith:  Two frogs fell into a deep cream bowl, one was an optimistic soul, but the other took the gloomy view.  “We’ll drown,” he cried, without more ado, and with a lasting despairing cry, he flung up his legs and said good-by.  Quote the outer frog with steadfast grin, “I can’t get out, but I won’t give in.  I’ll just swim around till my strength is spent, then I’ll die the more content.  Bravely he swam to work his scheme, and his struggles began to churn the cream.  The more he swam, his legs a flutter, the more the cream turned to butter.  On top of the butter at last he stopped, and out of the bowl he gaily hopped.  When is the moral?  It’s easily found, if you can’t hop out keep swimming around!

You may look at the stars and see his glory.  You may look at the ocean and see his power.  You may look at the flowers and see his beauty.  You may look at the earth and see his wisdom.  You may look at the birds and hear his music.  You may look at the rainbow and see his colors.  But when you look at Calvary you see the uncovering of the heart of God.

 

Other quotable quotes

The problem with political jokes is they get elected. ~Henry Cate, VII

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. ~Aesop

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning
to believe it. ~Clarence Darrow

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds
from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. ~Oscar Ameringer

The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter,
taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the
party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.
~P.J. O'Rourke

The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other. Will Rogers

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to
change the locks. ~Doug Larson

The government solution to a problem is usually as bad as the problem.  Milton Friedman

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.

Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Where there's a will, there are relatives.

I'm supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

“Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both.”
-Benjamin Franklin

The man who has lost contact with God lives on the same street with the man who denies him.

ANDY ROONEY RECENTLY DIED AT AGE 92.


I've learned.... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I've learned.... That when you're in love, it shows.

I've learned.... That just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day.

I've learned.... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right.

I've learned.... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I've learned.... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.

I've learned.... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I've learned.... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I've learned.... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I've learned.... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I've learned.... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

I've learned.... That money doesn't buy class.

I've learned.... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I've learned.... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I've learned.... That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I've learned.... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I've learned.... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I've learned... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

I've learned.... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

I've learned.... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I've learned.... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.

I've learned.... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I've learned..... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I've learned..... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.

I've learned.... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned.... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

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Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. Winston Churchill

 

It's almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington.  Carol Burnett

"If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there 

wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven." - Will Ridgers

 

Quotes be Don & Mildred Drake

Christians are the light of the world but sometimes the switch must be turned off.  

The world needs more warm hearts and fewer hotheads.

When hard times come parents tie up the dogs and turn the children loose. l

Everything runs smoothly in a household when all the machinery is oiled with love.

What a nice world this would be if we loved others as much as we love ourselves.

He worshiped the very ground the girl stood on that her father just found oil on.

Love intoxicates a man but marriage sobers him up.

He who lies with the dogs arises with flees.

Subject: Things I Think About

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me attractive.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.

I changed my password to "incorrect" so whenever I forget it the computer will say, "Your password is incorrect."

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

I'm great at multi-tasking--I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

Never tell your problems to anyone, because 20 percent don't care and the other 80 percent are glad you have them.

Doesn't expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?

Take my advice — I'm not using it.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.

I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.

Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.

Television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it's been doing is gathering dust.

Every time someone comes up with a foolproof solution, along comes a more-talented fool.

I'll bet you $4,567 you can't guess how much I owe my bookie.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

My wife got 8 out of 10 on her driver's test--the other two guys managed to jump out of her way.

There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking.

Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?

Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.

I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don't have to mow it.

I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me.

I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn't find it.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.

If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?

Money is the root of all wealth.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

Face the facts think with your brain not out of your emotions. 

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He who doesn't fear God should fear everything else.

Your influence is either negative or positive it is never neutral.

One who smiles rather than angers is always stronger.”
Chinese proverb

“Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.”
Japanese proverb

“Nothing is inevitable, if we are paying attention.”
Marshall McLuhan

If there is no faith present there is no faith now there is not faith in the future.

Smile it will improve your face value.  Don Drake

“A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it.” ― Albert Einstein

Without the "walk" a good "talk" is worse than meaningless. 

“To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart.”
Donald A. Laird

“Instruction does much, but encouragement does everything.”
Johann von Goethe

“We don’t know who we are until we see what we can do.”
Martha Grimes

The problem with experts is that they do not know what they do not know.

Nassim Nicholas Taleb

“You cannot dream yourself character; you must hammer and forge it.”
James A. Froude

“Ability will never catch up with the demand for it.”
Malcolm Forbes

Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.

“Happiness depends upon ourselves.” Aristotle

“Mistakes are the portals of discovery.” James Joyce

The road to success is always under construction.”
James Miller

“Great things are done by a series of small things brought together.”
Vincent Van Gogh

“Failure doesn’t come from not reaching your goal, but from having no goal to reach.”
Benjamin Mays

“No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.”
William Blake

“You can’t build a reputation on what you’re going to do.”
Henry Ford

“It is best to disregard talk and judge only actions.”  Dorothy Day

“You always pass failure on the way to success.”  Mickey Rooney

“What we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down.”  Mary Pickford

“Live one day at a time emphasizing ethics rather than rules.”
Wayne Dyer

“Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.”
Marie Curie

“Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.”
Benjamin Disraeli

 

 

 

 

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